Where to roam
Well, after spending 10 months trying to find a job in this wonderful land of West Virginia, I get a job, only to be canned after a month and a half. Apparently they are "restructuring" so the new guy gets the boot. Now, Im back at square one. My girlfriend, who is so kind, decided to take me out for a couple of drinks to get my mind off of my recent unemployment. Well, that lasted all about 1 hr. Yeah, my mind was off my unemployment, however it appears to me that my past marriage is more important of a topic of conversation rather than what is ahead of me.
Oh well, I plan on sticking to my guns, but first I need to figure out where I am to go next. I could go back home, tail between my legs, seeking refuge back in my parents house. That would go over like a ton of bricks. See, my parents and I dont have the greatest of relationships. My mother, is a psycho. My dad, he is the type that would say "I told you so." Then he would proceed to tell me how to live my life. Proceed to tell me how I am not good enough and that my shit-canning was in some way my fault. Yeah, I do think that, but they have stated that they would give me a letter of recomendation and what not. My old boss also, has repeatedly told me that it has nothing to do with my performance or technical knowledge.
So, Im back at the starting square again, not knowing what Gods will is for me. Desperately seeking the knowledge of whether or not to stay here, in WV or to move back to NOVA or even closer to NOVA, so I can be closer to my son. I have a friend in San Diego who has been asking for me to move out there. "You'd love it. Its shallow, but to the point that its so shallow that its funny". Yeah, just like NOVA, which is why I left in the first place. Yeah, the fact that its weather doesnt change and there is no winter, does seem appealing, but for a moment. I like the snow, just hate the people that try to drive in it. I guess this is when I am going to have to learn to Trust in Him. He, I know, has me in His hands. Sometimes I just wish that His plans were not so mysterious to me. I wish I could know what He has planned for me. I know that through Prayer and through seeking His word, in the Bible, I can find some answers. Its just hard to trust when right now, I have little trust to give. Ex-wife that loves to play her little games, thinking she is doing the right thing by our son. A girlfriend who loves to ride the past and continously tell me how we wont work, and when I say Ok, Im leaving, all hell breaks loose. A mother that wont speak to me because she hates me for who I am. Who am I? Someone that is nothing like her and didnt turn out to be the Dr. that she thought I would become. In all honesty, Im not really hers. I was adopted but she was the one who rose me to be the dolt that I am now. A father that rides all the negative aspects of my life, and who doesnt really know me. A son who loves me to death, but when he gets dropped off at his mothers house, he gets bombarded with questions on what I did with him. A job that hired me saying that they need someone as they are swamped. A month and a half later, they let me go, because of "restructuring". What am I going to do? Well, I guess the first thing I need to do is play Mechanic and get my car fixed, if possible. I know nothing about cars. Computers, is a different story. But anyways. My frustration level, as Im sure you can understand, is pretty high. However, the one good thing that I have going for me is that Jesus Christ is my personal savior and that my time here on earth, is only temporary. My life is not here, but in Heaven.
Oh well, I plan on sticking to my guns, but first I need to figure out where I am to go next. I could go back home, tail between my legs, seeking refuge back in my parents house. That would go over like a ton of bricks. See, my parents and I dont have the greatest of relationships. My mother, is a psycho. My dad, he is the type that would say "I told you so." Then he would proceed to tell me how to live my life. Proceed to tell me how I am not good enough and that my shit-canning was in some way my fault. Yeah, I do think that, but they have stated that they would give me a letter of recomendation and what not. My old boss also, has repeatedly told me that it has nothing to do with my performance or technical knowledge.
So, Im back at the starting square again, not knowing what Gods will is for me. Desperately seeking the knowledge of whether or not to stay here, in WV or to move back to NOVA or even closer to NOVA, so I can be closer to my son. I have a friend in San Diego who has been asking for me to move out there. "You'd love it. Its shallow, but to the point that its so shallow that its funny". Yeah, just like NOVA, which is why I left in the first place. Yeah, the fact that its weather doesnt change and there is no winter, does seem appealing, but for a moment. I like the snow, just hate the people that try to drive in it. I guess this is when I am going to have to learn to Trust in Him. He, I know, has me in His hands. Sometimes I just wish that His plans were not so mysterious to me. I wish I could know what He has planned for me. I know that through Prayer and through seeking His word, in the Bible, I can find some answers. Its just hard to trust when right now, I have little trust to give. Ex-wife that loves to play her little games, thinking she is doing the right thing by our son. A girlfriend who loves to ride the past and continously tell me how we wont work, and when I say Ok, Im leaving, all hell breaks loose. A mother that wont speak to me because she hates me for who I am. Who am I? Someone that is nothing like her and didnt turn out to be the Dr. that she thought I would become. In all honesty, Im not really hers. I was adopted but she was the one who rose me to be the dolt that I am now. A father that rides all the negative aspects of my life, and who doesnt really know me. A son who loves me to death, but when he gets dropped off at his mothers house, he gets bombarded with questions on what I did with him. A job that hired me saying that they need someone as they are swamped. A month and a half later, they let me go, because of "restructuring". What am I going to do? Well, I guess the first thing I need to do is play Mechanic and get my car fixed, if possible. I know nothing about cars. Computers, is a different story. But anyways. My frustration level, as Im sure you can understand, is pretty high. However, the one good thing that I have going for me is that Jesus Christ is my personal savior and that my time here on earth, is only temporary. My life is not here, but in Heaven.
posted by The Dog at 11:48 AM
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