Melodromaticly Something

As I sit here, awaiting the daily grind to really get started I stare at my bottle of ADD medication. Is it really working for me? Is it right for me? Or is it something that fills my head with the thoughts of it working, like a placebo. I do feel the effects of taking the drug, but is it really doing its intended job, or bringing me into a world of addiction to "medication" that maybe I dont really need.

I pan my eyes across my desk to notice that, its still a pig sty. Yet, the piggynessisity of it all is not near the calibur that it once was. Its mostly just a pile of papers that have been used and have yet to be disposed of. In a matter of moments, I find that my desk will be clean again. One day, after a regular weekend, I came into work to see the status of my desk and actually thought to myself, "How can anyone work with this mess" and proceeded to clean up my desk in a matter of moments.

But, in reality, is it this drug, or is it just me, taking minor steps into being a mature adult? Instead of the childish little games, am I really making personal strides in my life, with Gods help of course, and finally reaching that plateau of maturity? I was over at a friends house a couple of days ago, hanging out and having a beer or two, and the discussion of age came around. I am going to be 32 next month, and the discussion turned to when we were younger we could exert ourselves and not feel a thing. Now we are at the age where if we over exert our selves, or even just exert ourselves just a little bit more than normal, how the next day we feel it.

I would like to think myself as a young and strapping young man, with a bit of a beer gut. However, the realization is that is not true. I am getting older. My thought patterns are different. The way I handle things is a little different. I dont truly know if it is the drug, or if its me, finally, hitting a sembalance of maturity. As I write this, I havent taken my medication yet. I usually take it around 10. That way, it gives me a chance to wake up and truly feel the effects of the drug.

I will admit, though, that I have found that my ability to focus has changed. I am able to focus a lot better. I have found that I am not letting myself get pulled in 12 different directions. When I start on a project, I work until its complete. That has been something that was mentioned to me in the past. I start a project and work on it fine, but once it gets "old" my interest fades from it. This week, I have acomplished 2 major goals that needed to be resolved. One has a minor detail that needs to be resolved, but that should be resolved with a little bit of trial and error.

I look at it this way, regardless of the fact, if it is the drug or not, I have to say, I am happy. I am happy with the change that has happened in my life. I know that God is always with me, and sometimes, its difficult to see that. Like the Footprints in the Sand poem (one of my all time favorites, I might add) I know that God has carried me through some of my rough spots. And I am also sure, that it is HIS hands that are helping me change. Maybe the drugs are really working, but ultimately it is HIM.

All I can say, is that there has been a change in my life. And its for the better. I plan ahead a little bit better, and hopefully that will also improve.

Helmet - Unsung

As I sit here, festering in my own animosity, I listen to Helmet's Greatest Hits "Unsung". *Wavy lines wavy lines* Im going on a trip down memory lane......

I was turned onto this band by a friend of mine, who was part of my Youth Group at the church I attended at the time. He handed me a tape, I know, it dates me, but it was a compilation tape, and this band was on there. Helmet. How do I explain their music, for those that have never heard of them. Well, they are hard..... Hard rock. On a trip with the youth group, Don Stone as the youth pastor. Good guy, just never returns emails...LOL Anyways, sitting on the bus I heard this band, and it really got me going. Hard rock, loud and screaming, but not screaming. Its hard to explain. Anyways, I really enjoyed that band. Had a tape, and lost it some where among the numerous moves that I made. Probably got stolen in the house that I lived in, that would be equal to a crack house. No, crack wasnt sold there or consumed there, but it was close enough, next door.

I remember it like yesterday. Traveling in the bus, slooooow bus. But it was cool. Spent most of the time just listening to the compelation tape. So anyways, after I was craving Helmet, I realized that I lost the tape. Boo hoo for me. So I finally found them on CD, but they had broken up at least 5 years ago. But really, who cares about Helmet....

What a night. Let me tell you. I work 8 hrs at a place that has nothing for me to do. Im at an off site place, as part of the contract that my company has with them, so Im just basically a peon that does nothing. The last 3 or 4 people that held my position, Network Administrator, were "taken" by NOAA, a government company that we provide support for. Normally we provide personel for support but there has to be a floater, which, you guessed it, is what I am, for NOAA.

I like the people there, and the person who runs the show there is really cool. She doesnt micro manage or anything like that. However, every time I ask for something to do, they are "too busy" to provide me with anything. I have been there for the past two weeks, except for Monday and Tuesday, cuz of my back.

*sigh*
Had so much more written but oh well.

Life goes on.

I was listening to System of a Downs new song, as Im driving down the road. I wasn't really listening, but it was catching my attention as I was driving down the dark and dreary road that I traverse every day, like clock work. With the lingering effects of my new happy pill (something for my ADD) my focus was drawn into the song that was playing. I like System of a Down. I like their style and I like the music. I like how the change the pace of their songs, at random intervals. Thats what really got me sucked into the song.

Now, I dont know the name of the song, but the one verse that I got stuck on was this lines.

"Why do they send the poor"

Well, the verse prior was in regards to the War in Iraq. It got me thinking. I was chanting along with them. Fist pumping in the air, wondering, "Yeah, Why is it, that the poor are always fighting our battles?"

But I thought for a moment. Well, the reason is, many of the poor find their "way" out of their poor stature, buy joining the military. And that, my friend, is the reason why we always send the poor.