Random Ramblings

Well, on tuesday, I turn one year older. I dont want anything to be done for me, on said day. Why is it so important to praise me for being born, something I didnt have anything to do with? All glory should go to God, for it was by His design that I came about. I have a feeling, though, that my friends are going to do something. I usually hang out with a couple of friends, who live close to where I work. One of my friends who shall be named by his nickname symbol [] (squarehead is his nickname) is an amazing mandolin player.

Every tuesday, I go over to a friends house, Keagan, and listen to [] and his wife, and a friend of theirs, J, play bluegrass music. Keagans wife cooks dinner or orders out, I bring the beer, and everyone else plays music. So, I believe they will be doing something nice for me. I dont really want it, but I am not going to deny it either.

Now, I know a lot of people, who have asked me this question, and Im sure you will be wondering why I dont want people to do nice things for me for my birthday. Well, that reason is this. I hate being the center of attention. Thats why, even though I wish I could, I would never be able to sing in front of people, or even play music in front of people. I dont know why I am this way, because when I was younger, I did a bit of acting, and acted in a play at my church. But now, the thought of being in front of people gives me the same paralyzing fear as I get when the thoughts of flying, which I will be doing in August, to visit a couple of good friends, who live in San Diego.

I havent been here, much, cuz I dont want to force something out here. I want it to flow and be an honest representation of who I am. I dont want to just place trite, nonsensicle blabber. However, something has been jumping on me to write something here. I waited till I could think of something and I had something, but I dont know if I was able to really put it down. Im thinking this might be the time.

I was listening to Allistair Begg, www.truthforlife.com, and unfortunately I missed the first 5 "sermons" however, they were a study on Luke. The one sermon I listened to was basically, how are you living as a christian? Are you having conflicts, because of your stance in Christ. And this really got me thinking. Have I, in my life, ever had people angry with me, or basically dislike my stance in Christ?

Yes, it has happened to me. I have had good friends turn on me. I have had an ex-wife throw insult after insult at me in regards to my sexual orientation when I got back from Church, on numerous occasions. I have had insult thrown at me. But, Im the type of person to just roll with the punches. And, the thing that keeps entering into my head, when these situations happen, is it says in Mark (paraphrasing here) but people are going to hate you, because of who you are in Christ.

That thought has really stuck with me through the years. So long ago, over 2 thousand years ago, this loving God, presented us, sinful man, with a way to stay outta Hell. This guy, Jesus. Gods only son. Sacrificed to die a painful and horrible and gruesome death, to save me. And Jesus said, "If you are my friend, people are going to hate you. People are going to really want to make you look foolish". I have had discussions with people about "religion" and God. One person, who used to be my best friend said to me, one night when we were hanging out, that every question he had, I had an answer to it, yet he tried to present it in a bad way.

However, my friends who I hang out with now, are amazing people. These people, that I hang out with, are so much like Christ, they dont even know it. They are unjudging. They do not gossip. I hear more gossip outta christians than I do these people. There is a sense of honor among them. There is a sense of family among all them. If your part of the group, they will defend you till the day they died. And, when we discuss religion, they are respectful of my stance, whether or not they believe it. They accept me for who I am and for what I stand for. I had a discussion with a friend, a couple of weeks back, in regards to "religion". My stance on that is I hate religion. I hold a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I am a christian. I dont want to be associated with main stream christianity. Jesus was a rebel. Jesus was one who enjoyed life, and enjoyed hanging out with the sinners.

When the topic of "religion" pops up, I feel so honored to be the one they do turn to. There is another guy who is also a christian within the group, but, as I have been told, its very difficult to talk to him, but its easy to talk to me. I dunno, Im just going against what I originally said, if I didnt have anything to say, I wasnt going to post. I guess, I wanted to ramble. :) Hence the ramblings of a dog.

Bow wow :)

I Thank God for chosing me. I thank God for presenting me with the eternal gift. Sometimes I feel that I dont do enough for Him, and maybe thats true. But I also know that I am planter. I try to live my life in Love. Love my friends as I love myself. I treat people with Love. I hold doors open for people. I go outta my way to help someone that I see needing help.

Thank you, Father, for loving me unconditionally. Thank you Father, for watching over me, and helping me learn from my mistakes. Thank you Father, for being my rock, in times of dispair.
Thank you, Father, for being YOU.