Every Day, same old routine.
I wake up, desire more sleep, jump into the shower, get dressed and head to work. I work all day, find an excuse to stay at work longer, so that I dont have to go home and deal with my parents.
Sometimes, I am lucky and get to hang out with some friends and dont get home til late. Its not that I dont like my parents, but we just have nothing in common. My room, is also the computer room. So, I have to deal with my mom being on the computer, when I get home. Its for work she says, which is fine. Im not going to deny her doing her job. I actually encourage it and when I am there, if she has a question, I answer as best I can. Im her personal IT guy. Whenever there is a problem that my mom cant fix, my dad surly isnt going to fix it, he calls me. I try to tell him how to fix it, but he is confused. So I do it myself. Not a big deal.
Now, my parents are out of town, for a week. They left last Saturday and will be back this coming saturday. So, I am at my parents house, alone.
I am not really alone, though. I have my cat, which lives in the basement, as he has a bad reputation of urinating and deficating all over the place. I checked the basement last night and everything seemed good. Didnt see anything out of the ordinary. I let him outside last night. Normally, I go to a friends house, hang out for a while, then go home, dead tired. Get up in the morning, dreading the fact that at 6am its already 70+ and I shower, get into the car and head to work.
As I drive to work, and if I remember, I try to pray. I try to remember to pray, but most of the time, Im so tired and just struggling to keep my eyes from shutting, that I send myself running down the road of morning radio zoo. I know I could be filling my head with Godly radio, however, at the time Im on the road, the radio just isnt appealing to me. Usually, once 8am hits, I can listen to Alistair Begg. Before I moved to WV, he was always on at 6am. I would listen to Charles Stanley every day. Now, he is on at 8:30 in the morning and I am at work at the time.
The one thing I so truly desire, is to feel HIS presence, to hear HIS talking to me, telling me that its ok. Telling me that HE is still with me. However, I do know that for Him to tell me this, I need to open my ears, and heart.
Everytime something comes to my mind, about how I am living in Him, I know that in many ways, Im just diluding myself. I feel that I have been blessed with a strong understanding of the Bible. Then, why dont I read it more? Why is it, that I would rather spend my time, playing an outdated "shoot 'em up" computer game, than spending time reading the words of our Heavenly Father, the One who has, time after time, protected me from myself.
Why is it, when I jump onto the internet, I could spend my time, surfing and finding more knowledge on HIM, finding different perspectives on how the world views HIM, yet I spend my time, split between playing games and surfing porn.
I am finding that the past couple of weeks, I have been reverting back to my old style of living. I dont want that for myself. I have found that I am flat broke, when I pay no rent. I have been just blowing money like its going out of style.
Something deep within me, is not happy with the way my life is going at this present moment. I know that I should have money in the bank, yet I dont. Where does it go, the money? It goes the way of the DoDo bird. In my pocket and out the door.
One thing that I have been wanting to do, especially now, that my parents are out of town, is spending more time in the Bible. Also, picking up A Purpose Driven Life, again and starting over. When I was reading that book, things were going better. So, I need to make these changes in my life, they are not going to happen on their own.
Heavenly Father, who art in heaven, please instill in me the strength and true desire to make these changes in my life. You are my strength, You are my rock. I know that if I ask, You will grant me these changes, if they are Your will.
I thank YOU Oh Heavely Father, for all that You have given me. I ask for a change of heart, and a new sense of direction.
I pray this, in Jesus precious name
Amen
Sometimes, I am lucky and get to hang out with some friends and dont get home til late. Its not that I dont like my parents, but we just have nothing in common. My room, is also the computer room. So, I have to deal with my mom being on the computer, when I get home. Its for work she says, which is fine. Im not going to deny her doing her job. I actually encourage it and when I am there, if she has a question, I answer as best I can. Im her personal IT guy. Whenever there is a problem that my mom cant fix, my dad surly isnt going to fix it, he calls me. I try to tell him how to fix it, but he is confused. So I do it myself. Not a big deal.
Now, my parents are out of town, for a week. They left last Saturday and will be back this coming saturday. So, I am at my parents house, alone.
I am not really alone, though. I have my cat, which lives in the basement, as he has a bad reputation of urinating and deficating all over the place. I checked the basement last night and everything seemed good. Didnt see anything out of the ordinary. I let him outside last night. Normally, I go to a friends house, hang out for a while, then go home, dead tired. Get up in the morning, dreading the fact that at 6am its already 70+ and I shower, get into the car and head to work.
As I drive to work, and if I remember, I try to pray. I try to remember to pray, but most of the time, Im so tired and just struggling to keep my eyes from shutting, that I send myself running down the road of morning radio zoo. I know I could be filling my head with Godly radio, however, at the time Im on the road, the radio just isnt appealing to me. Usually, once 8am hits, I can listen to Alistair Begg. Before I moved to WV, he was always on at 6am. I would listen to Charles Stanley every day. Now, he is on at 8:30 in the morning and I am at work at the time.
The one thing I so truly desire, is to feel HIS presence, to hear HIS talking to me, telling me that its ok. Telling me that HE is still with me. However, I do know that for Him to tell me this, I need to open my ears, and heart.
Everytime something comes to my mind, about how I am living in Him, I know that in many ways, Im just diluding myself. I feel that I have been blessed with a strong understanding of the Bible. Then, why dont I read it more? Why is it, that I would rather spend my time, playing an outdated "shoot 'em up" computer game, than spending time reading the words of our Heavenly Father, the One who has, time after time, protected me from myself.
Why is it, when I jump onto the internet, I could spend my time, surfing and finding more knowledge on HIM, finding different perspectives on how the world views HIM, yet I spend my time, split between playing games and surfing porn.
I am finding that the past couple of weeks, I have been reverting back to my old style of living. I dont want that for myself. I have found that I am flat broke, when I pay no rent. I have been just blowing money like its going out of style.
Something deep within me, is not happy with the way my life is going at this present moment. I know that I should have money in the bank, yet I dont. Where does it go, the money? It goes the way of the DoDo bird. In my pocket and out the door.
One thing that I have been wanting to do, especially now, that my parents are out of town, is spending more time in the Bible. Also, picking up A Purpose Driven Life, again and starting over. When I was reading that book, things were going better. So, I need to make these changes in my life, they are not going to happen on their own.
Heavenly Father, who art in heaven, please instill in me the strength and true desire to make these changes in my life. You are my strength, You are my rock. I know that if I ask, You will grant me these changes, if they are Your will.
I thank YOU Oh Heavely Father, for all that You have given me. I ask for a change of heart, and a new sense of direction.
I pray this, in Jesus precious name
Amen
posted by The Dog at 1:32 PM
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