Enter into the Shit-Storm

Since I have moved back to NOVA, Jeanette, my ex-wife, has sent me three emails stating that she plans on moving to either California, Georga or back to Sweden. I had started to get concerned about that, so I sent my lawyer an email asking him if I was shooting myself in the foot. He said, ultimately, yes, it would be self defeating not to respond. He gave me a snippet of what he would say, so I took his snippet and sent it to her, telling her that I do not want to fight about it, nor am I trying to be a jerk about it.

Well, needless to say, that didnt go over too well, she flipped out on me, but I let her, never responded to it. Gave it a few days, then responded in a nice manner telling her that I am not trying to be a jerk. She even tried to say that I knew it was going to be like this, and that I had agreed to it, prior to us having a child. I told her that she couldnt expect that to still stand. Hell, that was just over 7 years ago.....

So, anyways, yesterday, I get a call from Jeanette. She told me that she lost her job. The job is going to pay her til the end of december. She, also, told me yesterday that she might pull him out of the current daycare (to save money) and she would find a job as a nanny. Fine.

This morning, she calls me and tells me that she plans on taking him out of the current school for kindergarden (Leesburg Elementary, hereforwith known as LE) to go to a school, right by her house in Aldie (henceforwith known as AE). She had brought this up, in the begining of the school year about him going to AE cuz it was close to her house and it was a small school, reminded her of home.....She had already changed the visitation from every other week back to every other weekend. She changed this on the first of the month, we started the visitation bi weekly on June 16th 2005.....

So she just, out of no where, ripped him outta my hands and changed the visitation. She said that he was unhappy and that no one knows her son the way she does. Hell, to me he has been happier than a pig in a blanket, and all my friends who have been able to spend time with him and me think he is the most awesome kid they know. They are always welcoming both James and I over.....So, I disagree with her on that, but she changed the visitation anyways....

Now she called me this morning, telling me that she was seriously considering taking him outta LE and putting him in AE. I called her back (she had left me a message) and I spoke to her, I told her that I didnt agree with that and to not do it. So, she tells me that she had already done it. I was irate, and hung up on her. I called her back, a little bit later after calming down a bit, and told her (left her a voice mail as she didnt pick up the phone) that what she did was take away my rights as a father who has joint custody. All major decisions in his life, like school, should be consulted on before making the change. I told her that he needs stability and her moving him here to there to there is not stable for him. I also told her that what she did was wrong. She called me back, I didnt answer the phone because I didnt want to get into a screaming match with her, she leaves me this message saying, that, 1, she didnt listen to my message because she didnt want to hear me being mean to her and she is under enough stress as it is. Its not like she asked to lose her job and she lost it because she doesnt get much help and she is a single mother... and, 2, if I want him in LE so bad, I can just drive down to Aldie every morning and get James and take him to LE and she will pick him up. It takes me, on average, about 45 minutes to get to Aldie....half an hour to Leesburg, about 15 minutes, possibly 20, to get to Aldie. Thats reasonable, right?

The reason why she doesnt want to keep James in LE is because she "cant afford the gas to drive to LE 4 times a day". She also claims that she lost her job because she has missed so much time due to James being sick, which is a load of bull shit, since everytime she has called me to take James to the Dr.s, my dad is the one who takes him. So...yeah....what a load of bull mularkey....AAAAAAAANd last time James was sick, I took him to the dr.s. I asked the doctor why he was sick so much, since thats what Jeanette had been feeding me. Yet the dr looked through the charts and said, "He is no sicker than an average 5 year old boy, who is in both daycare and kindergarden". So, you go figure.....

I have sent an email to my lawyer about the situation and to see what can be done. I love my son and am terribly sorry for putting him through this mess. I want to make his life as easy as possible, but everywhere I turn, there is another obstical. I have spoken with my dad on this and he basically said "Dont get all worked up on this. I understand your mad, she took away your rights as a father, but dont get all worked up about it. At least she isnt leaving...yet".

RIP Eddie

Eddie Goy Guerrero, died over the weekend. The cause is still unknown at this time, but they are saying that he died of a massive heart attack, while brushing his teeth.

I dont know why, but Eddie's death has hit me pretty hard. I never met the guy, nor ever watched him live. Yet, his death is a big one that really hurts....

A few years ago, I wanted to learn more about the back side of wrestling, the stuff that no one knows about. After surfing the net, I found a few sites that provided me with that information that I sought.

I had learned that many of the wrestlers are pretty much popus jerk offs that think they are so much more. Hulk Hogan was one of these people, as much as I grew up, his status go to his head.

Eddie was so much more. I cant remember off hand when or where, but I do remember reading how Eddie was compassionate for his fans, and how he had made donations to charities.

I remember when I heard that HBK Shawn Michaels became a christian. I had to search this out and I found it to be true. Then, through my search I came to find that there were more men, active in the WWE, that were men of faith. Big Show is one. Chris Jericho is another. Eddie was one as well.

But, that didnt make me like Eddie more because he was a man of faith. It was his work ethic, his determination to please the fans was what really keyed me into why Eddie was so great. How many matches can one count, that Eddie layed it all out for us, the fans?

I am quite mournful of his death, but its more of a selfish mourn. I will miss watching Eddie pull up to the ring in his low rider. Dropping to three wheels prior to entering the ring. I will miss the character who became so much more popular with the "Cheat, Lie and steal to win" attitude, in character. He played it to a tee, but, the way he played it was comical, in a sense.

Eddie, you will definately be missed. Your smile, your banter and your enthusiasim will be missed man millions of fans around the world.

Rest in Peace Eddie, and one day, we shall meet.

Layeth the Smackdown upon thy candy ass

The other night, God really opened up my eyes to who I really am. I am not this guy who is so much like Christ, that I thought I was. I do have a heart for servatude, and I try to do what I can to live my life like Christ, loving others. However, in my pride, I failed to see that I am so far from HIM that its pathetic.

There were three things that I had done, in recent past, that God showed me. The first was when I went camping. A good friend was there and she has a good relationship with James. Well, when I needed to do something, I wouldnt ask her if she could watch James, I took it for granted that she would be able to do it. As the weekend went along, I had noticed that it seemed as though she was trying to avoid me. On monday, as I analysed her actions and my actions, it dawned on me why she was "avoiding me". I have since apologized to her about it and she admited to me that it was wearing thin....I felt horrible, still do but.....

Another thing that sorta scared me was, on Tuesday, I was at a friends house hanging out. I had a couple of beers, but nothing major and another friend asked me my opinion on how to get her extremely skittish dog to eat. As I proceeded to give her my suggestions on said issue, I became very passionate about what I was talking about. I had litterally stepped out of my body and went off on her, about how to get her dog to eat. When I came to.....I was shocked. Again, I have since apologized for that and she too, was cool about it. And again, I still feel bad about it. I even apologized to her husband.

The third thing, Erick, at Circle Six Magazine, wrote an article about benevolence. I read the article, thought it was good, but what I read, I thought that I was already a step ahead because I had already done this. So, I posted how awesome I was because I already lived my life like that.

However, as I was driving, back to work, I started pondering on that subject. I started to get a feeling of how my post was so full of self arogance and what not, as I was flicking off some jack-off in his Mercedes because he wouldnt let me cut in front of him. That started to weigh on how far I am to being Christ.

I had gotten back to work, and wanted to read my post, just to ensure how bad it sounded. I thought it sounded ok, but it still had that ring of self-rightous and just pure arrogance. However, I also wanted to re-read Ericks article. I had also perused the internet and came across a blog entry that, in all honesty, I knew something was gonna happen. I had apologized on Circle Six Magazine and to Erick personally, to which he gracefully told me that there was no need for me to ask his forgiveness.

Later that night, as I sat in my car, listening to Not Called Common, I felt Christ sitting next to me. I litterally felt His arms wrapping around me and felt Him assure me that everything was going to be ok. As I thought about it, it sorta dawned on me, that I know, some day in the future, I will be sitting in my car, or room, coming to another realization that I have started to fool myself again into thinking that I am a better person than I truly am.

I thank GOD with all my heart, for being the loving and caring God that He is. I am thankful for Christ's promise in Him never leaving me. It is I who chooses to walk away and do things my way, all the while, Christ sits there, watches over me and waits. Waits for me to turn back to Him and say Im sorry. Christ will again say, "It's OK. What did you learn?"

What I have learned is this. I, my friends, am an ASS!!!!!!

In a blink of an eye

My world has turned into a whirlwind of a shit-storm.

Lets start with the begining. I was born......Thats when the problems started for me......Anyways, since I moved back to the Metro area, I have been living in my parents house for a bit. Well, one morning, I woke to hearing my mother yelling at my dad about how she doesnt want me to treat the house like a hotel, and that she is not putting up with "the teenage years".

I tried to tell them that I am never around because I want to be out of their hair. But that was a futile attempt at reasoning, I guess. So, they gave me till the end of the month to get out.

I went to the DC United play off game and well, DC lost. 4-0 It sucked....So I get home, around 11pm on a Sunday night, and Im listening to the football game on the radio. Decide to smoke a cigarette while I am listening to the game. After I put out the cigarette, I seemed to have fell asleep. My dad found me and accused me, up and down, that I was drunk.

Another "drunken" story is two days after, I came home to an unexpected James at the house. My parents look at me and tell me what happened, Jeanette forgot to pick up James, and it was by the grace of God that my dad called her to make sure that he was not to pick him up. Sad thing is, I had spoken to her about this, earlier in the day. She had specifically asked if it was her week or mine, I told her it was her week. SHE STILL FORGOT TO PICK HIM UP......

So, yes, I was unexpecting that. I was over at a friends house, earlier the night, and had a couple of beers, they could smell it and immediately am accused of being a lush again. Blah blah blah....

Anyways, so Jeanette and my dad were talking and since she has so much power in whether or not James is happy, she decided that the visitation is going to change, from the every other week I have him, the way she had requested it to be changed to, back to the original agreement, every other weekend. So....I get screwed on that. I asked James about it and he was happy about it......So, thats pretty much the summary of my shit-storm couple of weeks.

Right now, Im hating the way things have turned out for the moment. However, as I said to a friend, What dont kill me, only makes me stronger. And, my friend said something to me that really lifted my spirits a bit. He said: "Your bright attitude toward life is awesome and inspiring. It is helping me get through my day!"

I have to thank God that I have been blessed with friends that have the heart of Christ, whether or not they realize it.