The Dreaded news...
Last night James says that he is going to be in Sweden for his mothers birthday, which is in March.
This is the news that we (my mom n dad and I) have known was coming but never wanted to hear. It has finally come to fruitition.....
After he told me this, she called. Now, initially my reaction was to sit there and destroy her verbally, yet I did not. I wanted to give her the benifit of the doubt and let her tell me. She hasnt. I know what I need to do and will be doing it on Tuesday, however, this news still eats at my stomach like a virus.
Now, she may be planning on going to Sweden for just a vacation to visit her family, which is fine. However, the greatest fear that I have is this. She goes to Sweden and I allow James to go. Next thing you know, she calls me and says "I have decided that we are going to stay in Sweden". Or, she will decide that I need to send her money (even though she has money hidden away in Sweden).
He is a part of me, a part of my heart and personality. Although, before I had him, I didnt want a child. It wasnt because I didnt -want- a child, it was more along the lines of -me not being capable of being a father. I look at him and see how much I have learned and in complete honesty, he has taught me the true meaning of love. I would do anything for him. I have bent over backwards to make things a little easier for Jeanette because it would directly relate to James.
I dont know if this was the right thing to do, but I told James my fear. I really dont think that he realized what it meant by him going to sweden with his mother. I think it dawned on him. He told me that he wanted to stay with me. In his eyes, she holds all the power and he has to do what she says. Pridefully, it hurts me as it has always been the man that holds the power. Yet, I am the one who truly holds the power.
I told him, also, that he shouldnt worry about anything, that no matter what happens, I love him. And that I am going to do whatever I can to make sure that the best for him has been reached. I love this little guy with all my heart and want whats best for him. I believe in the truth and I believe that the honorable will come through victorious. I believe that rightous will win. Is my intentions rightious for James or are they selfish desires? Is my intentions to control Jeanette or are they to ensure that James remains safe and comfortable and stable?
I believe that my intentions are honorable and centered around James. I may be wrong, but I believe this to be true. So, I will reamin faithful to Him and know that He is ultimately in control and that this horrible situation will be a scene that glorifies Him, even if, and I hate to say this but, this situation does not turn out the way I want it to.
This is the news that we (my mom n dad and I) have known was coming but never wanted to hear. It has finally come to fruitition.....
After he told me this, she called. Now, initially my reaction was to sit there and destroy her verbally, yet I did not. I wanted to give her the benifit of the doubt and let her tell me. She hasnt. I know what I need to do and will be doing it on Tuesday, however, this news still eats at my stomach like a virus.
Now, she may be planning on going to Sweden for just a vacation to visit her family, which is fine. However, the greatest fear that I have is this. She goes to Sweden and I allow James to go. Next thing you know, she calls me and says "I have decided that we are going to stay in Sweden". Or, she will decide that I need to send her money (even though she has money hidden away in Sweden).
He is a part of me, a part of my heart and personality. Although, before I had him, I didnt want a child. It wasnt because I didnt -want- a child, it was more along the lines of -me not being capable of being a father. I look at him and see how much I have learned and in complete honesty, he has taught me the true meaning of love. I would do anything for him. I have bent over backwards to make things a little easier for Jeanette because it would directly relate to James.
I dont know if this was the right thing to do, but I told James my fear. I really dont think that he realized what it meant by him going to sweden with his mother. I think it dawned on him. He told me that he wanted to stay with me. In his eyes, she holds all the power and he has to do what she says. Pridefully, it hurts me as it has always been the man that holds the power. Yet, I am the one who truly holds the power.
I told him, also, that he shouldnt worry about anything, that no matter what happens, I love him. And that I am going to do whatever I can to make sure that the best for him has been reached. I love this little guy with all my heart and want whats best for him. I believe in the truth and I believe that the honorable will come through victorious. I believe that rightous will win. Is my intentions rightious for James or are they selfish desires? Is my intentions to control Jeanette or are they to ensure that James remains safe and comfortable and stable?
I believe that my intentions are honorable and centered around James. I may be wrong, but I believe this to be true. So, I will reamin faithful to Him and know that He is ultimately in control and that this horrible situation will be a scene that glorifies Him, even if, and I hate to say this but, this situation does not turn out the way I want it to.
posted by The Dog at 12:25 PM
1 Comments:
I'll be praying, dude. My heart goes out to you and your son.
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