Uhhh
I dont really know how to title this... so I just said Uhhh....
Today was an up and down day for me. I have "acquired" certain things in regards to whether or not Jeanette was really going back to Sweden to move. And, it had taken me a better part of a day to translate all that I had.
As I was driving home, I had spoken to my mom about all the information I had gathered and what I was reading into it. I got off the phone with my mom and I had been pondering on what I had found and what I thought the possiblities of her really moving to Sweden or not. So, as I was driving, my mind was grinding. Crunching what I had read, analysing the data, replaying events in my mind and really, just driving myself insane with it all.
Then my mind really started working overtime. I started to think that "Maybe the plan is for Him to show me how much He loves me that He gave His only begotten son....I was going to have to do the same thing". That really started to freak me out. I started feeling as though this was completely helpless and that I was doomed to lose my one and only son......
As the tears streamed down my face, I was praying feverantly asking Him to not take James, and that I couldnt take it if he left. Blah blah blah.....Tears streaming down my face like the Nile river, finally a voice popped into my head.
"Calm down, smoke a cigarette, your going to drive yourself crazy over this."
Immediately there was peace in the stormy seas. Immediately, it was as though the storm stopped, the ocean was calm and the sun came out. The birds chirping etc....
Then I heard "Now, stop. Stop "researching" your going to continue to drive yourself crazy. They will be back."
And, to be completely honest with you, I felt it. The calming presence, the reality that He is with me, He will bring James back.
I know that this is a moment of clarity, for me, I just hope that I will be able to remain in this state. I also have to say. For those that dont believe that God talks to people, I do. As I have said, I cant for sure say that it was me really saying these words (within my head), this is true, but when these words echoed throughout my mind, I was in a state of chaos. I know I would not really be able to clearly set my mind to stop the chaos as quickly as it stopped. Instantaniously the chaos departed, and these words entered my mind.
As I thought about it, after, I thought to myself "God would never tell me to smoke a cigarette." However, a good parent would relax on the "rules" (so to speak) if their child was in a state of hysteria or upset and at the moment, unconsolable.
As I said, as I was driving up the hill in my neighborhood, "Its so easy to give advice, but so hard to follow it." I remember telling a friend of mine, when she was having boy troubles, that she needed to move her focus away from her boyfriend and more onto God. As I was trying to figure out how to get my mind away from my situation and keep myself from "researching", it dawned on me. Spend more time focusing on the good things in life, like the Good News and Him, instead of focusing on things that will not happen.
Today was an up and down day for me. I have "acquired" certain things in regards to whether or not Jeanette was really going back to Sweden to move. And, it had taken me a better part of a day to translate all that I had.
As I was driving home, I had spoken to my mom about all the information I had gathered and what I was reading into it. I got off the phone with my mom and I had been pondering on what I had found and what I thought the possiblities of her really moving to Sweden or not. So, as I was driving, my mind was grinding. Crunching what I had read, analysing the data, replaying events in my mind and really, just driving myself insane with it all.
Then my mind really started working overtime. I started to think that "Maybe the plan is for Him to show me how much He loves me that He gave His only begotten son....I was going to have to do the same thing". That really started to freak me out. I started feeling as though this was completely helpless and that I was doomed to lose my one and only son......
As the tears streamed down my face, I was praying feverantly asking Him to not take James, and that I couldnt take it if he left. Blah blah blah.....Tears streaming down my face like the Nile river, finally a voice popped into my head.
"Calm down, smoke a cigarette, your going to drive yourself crazy over this."
Immediately there was peace in the stormy seas. Immediately, it was as though the storm stopped, the ocean was calm and the sun came out. The birds chirping etc....
Then I heard "Now, stop. Stop "researching" your going to continue to drive yourself crazy. They will be back."
And, to be completely honest with you, I felt it. The calming presence, the reality that He is with me, He will bring James back.
I know that this is a moment of clarity, for me, I just hope that I will be able to remain in this state. I also have to say. For those that dont believe that God talks to people, I do. As I have said, I cant for sure say that it was me really saying these words (within my head), this is true, but when these words echoed throughout my mind, I was in a state of chaos. I know I would not really be able to clearly set my mind to stop the chaos as quickly as it stopped. Instantaniously the chaos departed, and these words entered my mind.
As I thought about it, after, I thought to myself "God would never tell me to smoke a cigarette." However, a good parent would relax on the "rules" (so to speak) if their child was in a state of hysteria or upset and at the moment, unconsolable.
As I said, as I was driving up the hill in my neighborhood, "Its so easy to give advice, but so hard to follow it." I remember telling a friend of mine, when she was having boy troubles, that she needed to move her focus away from her boyfriend and more onto God. As I was trying to figure out how to get my mind away from my situation and keep myself from "researching", it dawned on me. Spend more time focusing on the good things in life, like the Good News and Him, instead of focusing on things that will not happen.
posted by The Dog at 8:03 PM
1 Comments:
J-Pea.
How are you today?
Our Father knows what we need before we even ask. I was listening to the Narnia books on cd and in the book "Prince Caspian" when the four children go back to Narnia, one of them says, "Aslan knows already what we'll ask him for, but I have a feeling he likes to be asked for it."
That stuck with me. God must like to be asked for things. Sometimes asking and thanking are the only attention we give to Him. As far as how desperately we beg (as if our intensity will manipulate Him to give us what thing we ask for), I think the frequency of the asking is what is important (see 'the persistant widow' parable). Asking with joyful expectation of His promise.
What I mean to say is, let your fears and worries about your son find you in constant prayer; morning, noon, and night. But pray to Him with joy in the promise that He will give you what you NEED. Maybe prayer is what you need. :) Lord knows I need to do more of it.
I know this post is almost a month old and I hope that God has been comforting you throughout. On thing that comes to mind is: don't let your heart be apathetic. The closer we move towards God, the softer our hearts become and the more love we have for people. But we also have more love for God and therefore more trust in Him. So we can love others more without worrying about them more. One danger of worry is that we tend to stop caring if the worry becomes too much. I don't know if this is a danger for you, but I am praying for you nonetheless.
Grace and Peace to you, brother-man.
Pea-D
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