Have you spoken to your son?
Its amazing how a simple question can completely demolish the strength that one man had been holding onto.
That was the question that a girl, here at work, asked me. Internally, the butterflies started and my strength weakend. The fears repeated their lies within my head. Honestly, I felt sick. The fears rotated through my mind, telling me that she was not coming back, that I would never see James again.
The answer to the question was no. I called him this morning at 5am (they are 5 hrs ahead) and no answer. This morning, I was fine with it, went back to bed. Woke up and went along with my daily business.
But, that one question, in email, caused my whole internal fortitude to crumble. Immediately my mind went to checking her emails again, and I will admit, I did.
After a little bit of my mental anguish, I started thinking of the story of Peter, walking on the water, during the storm. Immediately it struck me how stupid I am. Well, maybe not stupid, but weak.
God does not change. He has told me that they will be back. Just as Peter asked Jesus, "If thats you Lord, tell me to walk on the water." It was, but the moment Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and focused his attention on the storm, he sunk.
"Oh Ye of little Faith"
Father, I am sorry, truly and deeply sorry for taking my focus off of you and onto the storm in my life. Thank you for your grace and strength and wisdom, that you have granted me. You are my rock, you are my strength, you are my wisdom. If it were not for you, I would be nothing. I wait for the day, March 31, 2006, when James and his mother return, so that I can have proof of your power, grace, wisdom. I know that you are true to your word. Its for those that dont believe that I wait for. Those that gave me the wierd look when I said that they would be back, even though Jeanette has shown how unreliable she can be. As unreliable as she is, you are that much more reliable.
I thank you, for giving me a chance to repent, for giving me the love that I dont deserve. Thank you for giving me your saving grace. I am not worthy, a man, a physically strong man, yet that physical strength can not save me. You are the strength that holds me.
I am humbled by your wisdom. Jesus, I thank thee. In your precious name, Jesus, I pray, Amen
That was the question that a girl, here at work, asked me. Internally, the butterflies started and my strength weakend. The fears repeated their lies within my head. Honestly, I felt sick. The fears rotated through my mind, telling me that she was not coming back, that I would never see James again.
The answer to the question was no. I called him this morning at 5am (they are 5 hrs ahead) and no answer. This morning, I was fine with it, went back to bed. Woke up and went along with my daily business.
But, that one question, in email, caused my whole internal fortitude to crumble. Immediately my mind went to checking her emails again, and I will admit, I did.
After a little bit of my mental anguish, I started thinking of the story of Peter, walking on the water, during the storm. Immediately it struck me how stupid I am. Well, maybe not stupid, but weak.
God does not change. He has told me that they will be back. Just as Peter asked Jesus, "If thats you Lord, tell me to walk on the water." It was, but the moment Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and focused his attention on the storm, he sunk.
"Oh Ye of little Faith"
Father, I am sorry, truly and deeply sorry for taking my focus off of you and onto the storm in my life. Thank you for your grace and strength and wisdom, that you have granted me. You are my rock, you are my strength, you are my wisdom. If it were not for you, I would be nothing. I wait for the day, March 31, 2006, when James and his mother return, so that I can have proof of your power, grace, wisdom. I know that you are true to your word. Its for those that dont believe that I wait for. Those that gave me the wierd look when I said that they would be back, even though Jeanette has shown how unreliable she can be. As unreliable as she is, you are that much more reliable.
I thank you, for giving me a chance to repent, for giving me the love that I dont deserve. Thank you for giving me your saving grace. I am not worthy, a man, a physically strong man, yet that physical strength can not save me. You are the strength that holds me.
I am humbled by your wisdom. Jesus, I thank thee. In your precious name, Jesus, I pray, Amen
posted by The Dog at 12:40 PM
3 Comments:
These are the times when faith really grows aren't they? I'll pray.
Parke
parke.voxtropolis.com
I just had to share this with you after reading your post. It's from a daily writing I receive from Purpose Driven Life written by John Fisher.
This is just part of it: "How do you know when you are working for God? You get tired, you burn out, or the opposite -- you become very successful and start taking pride in your success. You begin repeating what works over and over again, because you found a formula that will work regardless. This is what the Bible calls: “walking in the flesh,” and in spite of how good it looks, it will burn up in the end like a big pile of dry wood.
So how do you know if you are dealing in the success of God’s power? You are at risk; you are Johnny on the spot; you are way over your head; you are not completely sure what you are doing; you are acutely aware of your own weaknesses; you have ventured into a place where, if God doesn’t show up, you are a dead duck. Believe it or not, this is what the Bible calls: “walking in the Spirit.” (Don’t you love it?)
Welcome to the adventure. It’s kind of fun, actually. Once you jump in and believe in someone other than yourself and what you can control, you discover a whole new resource."
I found your blog from Diana's blog. God bless you in your "adventure" in trust and hope.
Cathee
Your faith is inspiring, sweetpea. God tests us by allowing us to love and then allowing us to trust Him with those we love. He's our Papa-Daddy and knows it can be hard for us. He comforts us and reminds us that all things happen for His reasons. We stomp our feet and cry in His arms and He just holds us and says, "I am."
We are silly creatures who always get in over our heads. But when we sink, Jesus lifts us up. It's scary business, faith.
hearts and bunny-rabbits,
D-pea
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