Loosing grip

Slowly, the weight of the world seems to laden my shoulder with more and more. The reality of my unemployment weighs more on my heart. The emptyness grows more and more.

Slowly, Im having troubles dealing with it. Sleep, for most, comes easy. These days, it hides around the corner, as each hour passes by. I try to hold onto my faith that God has me in His hands. As the days pass and my phone does not ring, my stomach full of butterflies, grows weak.

I try to hold my head high, especially when I have James, as to not have that fear filling his head. But, each day that passes, it grows harder and harder. I want a job. But that reality seems to slowly fade away. Slipping into obscurity is how I feel.

Waiting and waiting for the phone to ring with someone on the other end informing me that they want me to start, I continusouly desire. Slowly I grow weaker and weaker, desire growing into an obsession.

Slowly, I begin to slip into the depths of dispair, desiring more and more, drowning my self pitty into a case of Miller Light or a bottle of some good whiskey, Glenn Livet or something like that.

I know I cant, but slowly it grows on me.

I hate how I feel, I hate this feeling, feeling of nothingness. Feeling as if I am not worth anything. I am sorry, though, for my complaints and bad mouthing I had done. Even though I have an interview on Wednsday, I still feel as though I have nothing. I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.

*sigh*